Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
