Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
