How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if only i could text you this smell
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
