My friends, they love my intelligence
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
