Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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