I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
