Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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