Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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