Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just invented taco cereal.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
