you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
