If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
