Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
