I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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