i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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