I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Too much gin, very little bucket
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
