I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He did a backflip because drugs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
