1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
