I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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