dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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