I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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