My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize