I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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