I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
