You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
