This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
