Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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