Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
