Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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