And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
