I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
