If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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