hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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