you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
