I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
