I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
