So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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