dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize