.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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