Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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