Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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