i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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