Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
