dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
