from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
