Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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