I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
