so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
