fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize