Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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