I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
