I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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