Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize