I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
is it fun? or sober?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
