planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
