You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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