i jhust puked up my retainher.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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