I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
