I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How external is "for external use only"?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
