Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
