Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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