Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize