i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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