I wish I could teleport
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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