You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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