she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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