Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
