Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I believe in your delicious
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
