stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
