I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
