just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
