I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
