What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
