Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
