does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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