I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
