dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
