She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
