i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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