listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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