My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
