I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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