It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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