he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
time to smoke my breakfast
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
