I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
