My liver just broke up with me...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize