There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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