Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
