I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Less talking, more tequila
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
