The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
