And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
