I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
