dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
