Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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