I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
