my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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