I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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