K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
