Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
