my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
