My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
