He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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