Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
