dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
