He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
