sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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