Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize