it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
