the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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