"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
