Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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