just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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