I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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